"Christmas Past, meet Christmas Present. I don't believe you two have met."

Call me crazy (and many do) but I think there are so few times but Christmas that we can go all-out on anything and everything without being looked at as though we are going to be letting out an OINK at any given minute, or appear to be decorating our homes in anticipation of having Elton John as a house guest in the coming days..... so why the hell aren't we?! This is our one freebie per year to let the crazy in us all (albeit, some have more crazy than others) shine! Embrace it why don't you :)
My family has become notorious in the last several years for doing "finger foods" at our great big Christmas get-together. I hate this.
What are we as a family coming to? We no longer get together at Thanksgiving every year, and now this is the tradition we are choosing to carry out?? Christmas is the one time when we can go nuts with decorations, food, presents....everything! So why are we copping out? Now, I do understand that not everyone has the luxury to spend their days in the kitchen trying out new recipes or digging through the oldies-but-goodies, but for Christ's sake (pun intended), IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Perhaps it's the kid in me, but this is something really important to me. While you may say to me, "CJ, why don't you just cook your own holiday feast at home?" And I say to you, "because that's lame." (And I already do that at Thanksgiving anyway....we're talking the whole nine yards for what usually ends up being for maybe 3 or 4 of us.) It is such a rare occasion that, as our families continue to grow, we all make the concerted effort to be in the same place at the same time. To me, this time of year is about enjoying yourself with great company AND all the great food they can contribute. I'm not even suggesting that one person throw this whole shin-dig together single-handedly. As that fat comedian whose name escapes me would say, Nay Nay!....In fact, quite the opposite. So many new recipes have been introduced to me and mine through the additions to the family and any friends that stop by with their own creations. I love to taste and learn what other families have passed down from one generation to the next.
I do not enjoy a plate full of pinwheels, pickles & olives, rolled up lunch meats, cheese-covered-this or bacon-wrapped-that. Nor do I like feeling that I might as well be standing in the deli section of HEB with a glass of wine in my hand munching from the sample trays as this kind of dining generally evokes. I'm just waiting to hear "clean up on aisle 6" the next time someone spills their chips and queso. I have a hunch that several of my cousins (and a sibling or two) would concur with this line of thought. The problem is...no one asked us. How does this happen? How do our votes not count?? Even Florida got a re-count when they felt their voices had gone unheard!
Granted, it isn't my house that gets invaded each holiday season...but that's not because I wouldn't offer it up. Even if I said "hey, let's take this party to SA next year," it probably wouldn't happen. The festivities always take place in the booming town of Centerville, TX, where the population count and area code are currently one in the same. We have had such arrangements since long before I came into the world kicking and screaming, whining and complaining. The fact of the matter is logistics rule when it comes to these kinds of things and most of the fam lives in that neck of the woods. It's easier to load up the dozen or so of us from the SA/Austin vicinity than have the 30-40 something living in and around Cville head south for the winter. Please don't mistake me. I LOVE that little town. In fact, Jason and I would love to raise our family there, but that move won't be happening any time soon and I miss my Christmas now.
There aren't many things I'm old-fashioned or traditionalistic about, but you don't mess with Christmas, Missy! You can't bring us all up with big family meals as kids, then yank that out from underneath us when we are all finally old enough to reminisce over holidays past.
So until J and I can build a big house to cater to all the friends and family that flock to this little part of east TX (which will hopefully happen before any children we may have in the future would start kindergarten), I say to you:
LEAVE MY CHRISTMAS ALONE! WHAT DID IT EVER DO TO YOU?!

Houston, we have a problem.

Hmm.. how can I put this delicately?

Jason's baby-mama has lost her mind. (Trust me, that is me being NICE.)

Not that it seems she ever really had it to begin with. This is the same person (let's call her "A") that point-blank told Jason that she was taking him to court over their son simply because he got engaged to me and she told him that she was still in love with him. This is also the same person that called me up one day just to tell me and Jason to never call her again. (huh?) All the while, mind you, "A" is married to someone else with whom she has 2 other kids! So due to this and many other extenuating circumstances, we unfortunately aren't able to have much contact with his son who lives 3 states away. This makes things so much more difficult than they could be....than they SHOULD be. J's lovely mama has been kind enough to become a sort of mediator for us all. In doing so, she graciously offered to fly her grandson here for the holidays. We are so excited to get to see Michael since it's been too long! Well, some how Baby-Mama-Drama took that as an invitation to pack up her, her husband and all 3 kids and come on down to TX for Christmas. Now, I know the holidays are supposed to be about family, but the fact that she and J have a child together does NOT make HER family to any of us. She's nuts! If she thinks that's how this whole deal works, she will be sorely disappointed when she gets here to find neither J nor myself will be participants in this extravaganza she evidently has created in her mind. We want to see Michael. We want to see our family. We do not care to see this crazy person, or her husband, or her other children (no offense to those kids, but they aren't his and really have nothing to do with either one of us.)
I would just really hate to see someone put such a damper on this great time of year simply because she has no sense about her. What's adding to this is the fact that there are so very few times we get to see J's mom too since she literally lives on the other side of the world in Israel. By having "A" here, this will take away from the opportunities that Jason will have to hang out with his mom. (Because I can guarantee you that if "A" or her bunch is around, NEITHER of us will be.) I told Jason that it would be like me spending Christmas over at Steffen's mom's house (granted, Steff and I never had any kids, but we were together for close to 5 years, and "A" was basically just a "hook-up" for Jason back in the day). How inappropriate would that be? Who does that???? Who is that selfish?...that crazy? "A" is. Honestly, I really shouldn't even be surprised by her antics anymore. But again, WHO DOES THAT?!
What a drag.
We are going to make it a point to not let this lunatic come in the way of us enjoying our holidays. This may require some careful planning and biting of my tongue, but it IS possible. I am trying to learn to control what I can and let go of the rest. I have not mastered this so this may not be the last time you hear about this drama, but I am TRYING.



***Now, could someone please pass the wine? I might be requiring some very soon.