picture dump

So glad that first sponge bath is over. She was NOT happy about it.

Random Moose picture. He would always like to come over and check out my belly when I was pregnant.

Addy and Hannah (her bff and Mema's neighbor) on Halloween

 

Aunt Rhonda polishing up on her baby skills? ;)

 

I went up to Austin and tagged along to soccer practice. Avery is so animated. It cracks me up.

One Month! (posted a little late...i've been busy)

It's hard to believe you have already been with us for a month! You are just gorgeous and are SO loved.

(I ordered some little onesie stickers for each month but sadly they didn't get here in time for this first one.)

Here are a few stats about you:

length: 22" (55%)
weight: 9 lbs 7 oz (30%) such a tiny little girl! long and skinny still :)
likes: you love to be walked around the house, going outside, to be snuggled and cozy, to be sung to, you LOVE to be in the bath
dislikes: wet/dirty diapers!, your darn tummy aches, you hate to be fussed with or messed with, you scream like crazy when you getting out of the bath....you can't stand to be cold (and you get chilled very easily)
sleep: Ha! I wish I could say you love to sleep at night but that's not really true. You are getting better about it though. At first, you would cry and fuss every night from 11pm-1am and would wake up every hour or so thereafter. Now, we have been able to get you to sleep on average 3 hours at a time, but you are still my little night owl and don't like to get to bed until 11 or 12. (This makes mommy very nervous about how she will be able to function when she goes back to work on Halloween!) You have surprised us a couple of times in the last week by sleeping a 4 hour stretch here and there at night. I really hope that continues. You sleep best when swaddled tightly so you don't wake yourself up when you startle.
feeding: <sigh> We are trying all kinds of things with you. Your poor little tummy has such problems and you have a very hard time pooping. This gives you such a tummy ache and you just cry miserably making mommy and daddy feel so bad for you. You are currently on both breastmilk and formula since I don't produce very much milk still. I tried to only breastfeed but you lost too much weight (15% at your first dr appt when you were just a few days old) and you got jaundice from not getting enough fluids so we had to start on the formula. We sure hope we can find a way to ease your tummy pains and get you going regularly VERY soon!
sizes: You are still wearing newborn size diapers and clothes.

Harper, you are such a blessing and a joy to us all. I am enjoying you s much while you are still so little and savoring every second I get to snuggle you. You are a little spit fire when you want to be and remind your daddy so much of me with your little temper. Haha! You know what you want and will settle for nothing less. I have a feeling you are going to be a very *fun* little girl! We love you so very much.

Happy BIRTHday, pretty girl!

****If you don't want to hear about the realities of labor/birth, stop reading now...just sayin.


Wow...just writing that title brings tears to my eyes. I'm sure it's still hormones raging but I'm pretty much a sap these days (especially when it comes to her.) I wanted to document the birth of our sweet baby girl so I can remember as much as possible about that special day. I have tried to write this time after time and have had SUCH a hard time putting the words down. There's just so much emotion connected to that day.

Friday, (9/16/11), Daddy and I went to see the doctor since my blood pressure wasn't doing so well this week. We got the car all packed up with the thought that Dr. S might send me straight over to the hospital again but this time we might not come home alone. At the dr's office my bp was still high and we were asked if we'd like to go ahead and meet our little girl this weekend. OF COURSE!!! I had so many emotions running through me...excited, nervous, scared, relieved. We were told to be at the hospital at about 5am the next morning to start my induction.

Here we are in the hospital parking lot that morning! VERY excited!!!!

I don't think we slept much at all that night. We were so wound up about what was about to happen that we couldn't settle down. We got to the hospital about 15 minutes late and Aunt Sheila even beat us there! She was waiting in the parking lot when we pulled up. She was sooo excited!! We got all checked in, got the meds going and proceeded to wait...and wait...and wait. Since we were starting from nothing, we were warned this could take a while. I was given cytotec to get my cervix ready since it was too soon to even start pitocin at this point. I was also started on a bag of magnesium sulfate to keep me from having a seizure since my blood pressure had been high. The way they give you that stuff down right sucks! It's given through your IV and for the first 20 minutes, it is pumped crazy fast into your system. It made me feel like I instantly had a bad sunburn from the chest, up. I felt woozy and like I was going to pass out!

Trying to make me feel better :)

Once that bag was done it was such a relief. For the rest of my stay in the hospital, I had to continue on that crap, but it was a much slower drip leaving me feeling very hot. I think I just about froze everyone out of my room. I had the ac set as low as it would go and I was still sweating.

Aunt Sheila is all bundled up in her blanket.

Alot of what was to come is kind of fuzzy for me but I will recap as best as I can remember. Around 2pm or so the contractions started picking up and getting pretty painful. They were able to give me Staydol (since I wasn't dilated enough for the epidural yet) and it was wonderful! It gave me some relief and a chance to rest a bit. A few hours later the meds had worn off and I was hurting badly again. That's when I asked for my second dose of staydol. Again, there are lots of blurry blocks of time but I distinctly remember saying after that second dose, it felt like I'd drank a whole bottle of wine. lol Whatev...it helped!!

But not for long.

I don't know what happened between the hours of 4pm and 7pm. I was in so much pain by that point. During the worst of it I relied upon my ipod to get me through it. I put in my earbuds, turned up the music (a mix of Randy Rogers and Stoney Larue during contractions and Jack Johnson later to relax...if that's even possible...and get the baby to move down further in the birth canal), closed my eyes and tuned everything else out. I was just now looking back through some text messages I'd sent Barb about my progress and I have ZERO recollection of sending her those messages at that point. I know at some point around this time the dr checked me and decided to break my water and start the pitocin to get things moving along better since I was not progressing very well. At 7:30pm, I remember there was a shift change for the nurses and telling my nurse that I didn't want her to go. When the new nurse walked in to greet me, my contractions had taken on a life of their own and I could NOT function. Who knows what I said to her, but I was not interested in making her aquaintance at that point (I think I even rolled my eyes when she introduced herself!....let's be honest, I think my head was spinning around ala Exorcist at that point.) I recall hearing Sheila tell her that I was ready and wanted that epidural NOW. Next thing I know some young guy and this new nurse walk in and have everyone else leave the room. I was getting the epidural. Thank God!!! I didn't care who the hell this guy was...for all I knew he just graduated yesterday, but if he was going to hook me up, I was going to make him my new BFF.

Once the meds were going I began to feel like a human again within minutes. I took a big breath and sigh of relief, looked at my nurse who had been holding me steady during the epidural insertion and said with a smile, "OK. Let's try this again. I'm CJ." To which she laughed and replied "Hi CJ. I'm Kristen." "It's nice to meet you." It sounds corny now, but was pretty damn funny at the time. I don't know exacty what I'd said to her when we first met, but I know I wasn't nice at all!
Throughout the remainer of the night, my epidural would prove to be a flop. It would work for a short time and then fade. It would start as a "hot spot" in my right pelvic region and then the pain would spread until I was able to feel everything again. They had me in some crazy positions and flipping me every 30 minutes to try to get the baby to move down and keep from having the epidural localize and only numbing one side. I was given a total of 3 doses. The final dose was given around 8-9cm and I was feeling the horrible pressure in my butt. Seriously felt like I was going to explode. It hurt so much. The doc came back to give the 3rd dose and said "this is it. I can't give you anymore after this. It may or may not even work at this point." I said I didn't care and it was worth a shot. I just couldn't take it anymore. Well, it did buy me some time...which was good because this baby was still really high and wasn't in any hurry to make her way down. I was put in yet one more weird position to try to help her along and then was told to start pushing anytime I felt a contraction. Unfortunately, I was now having complete sensation everywhere but my legs. I wanted to get this over with but I was so terrified to push. It. hurt. so. bad. Again, things are a little sketchy in my memory so this is how it seemed to me: closed my eyes on a dark room with Kristen telling me how to push; opened my eyes and saw the dr at my bed getting his area ready...closed eyes and kept pushing; opened my eyes to a super bright room with tons of people everywhere...closed eyes and kept pushing; started crying because I was so tired and out of energy and scared and in pain only to hear Kristen say "CJ, look at me. Stop crying...this is not the time for that. You can do this. Now focus and push!"

It was exactly what I needed to keep me going and redirect me. I remember hearing the exitement in the voices around me: Jason, my mom and Sheila. With each push I could hear that I must be getting close just by the sound of them all. I then recall pushing and hearing them yell that her head was out and the dr told me to stop for a minute. With the next push my entire world changed.

At 5:05am on September 18th, I met my sweet Harper Grace Bowen. I have never felt relief like that in my life. I immediately thought "Oh, thank God! That's over!!!" then I looked down and saw her pretty face for the first time. My first words when seeing her were "she's so cute!" She didn't have that weird just-born look...she was just adorable. She even smiled as I said that and then they took her to the side to clean her up and do what they needed to do. Daddy was able to cut the cord and a few minutes later I looked up at Jason and saw him so emotional and crying. He was so proud.

I don't know that I've ever seen him so happy. Surprisingly, I didn't start crying until Sheila came over to me and that's when I lost it. A few minutes went by and I hadn't heard anything else about Harper so I asked if everything was ok. Sheila looked over at me with tears in her eyes and said "CJ, she's perfect. She's just perfect." They then filled me in on her stats: 6lbs 14oz, 20.5" long. She was long and skinny.

Once the dr had stitched me up (yep, a 2nd degree tear...bummer) and the room had cleared I asked for something to eat and drink...NOW. It had been more than 30 hours since I'd had anything more than ice chips. Kristen asked if I'd like a coke and I swear that was THE BEST coke I'd ever had in my life. My mouth salivates just thinking about it! Jason asked if I'd like him to go get me whatever I wanted and I just couldn't wait that long. He instead brought me a turkey sandwich from the hospital's nourishment room and I tore that thing up! I didn't care at that point what it was...I was just so hungry. (As a side note, at one point earlier in the night everyone in the room had fallen asleep and when no one was looking, I stole a couple pieces of ice from Jason's cup of soda. They were so yummy and coated with sweetness...ahhh...heaven.)

As it turns out, my nurse Kristen will forever have a special place in my heart. I can honestly say that I don't know how I would've gotten through this whole thing without her. Having a baby has taught me that it is indeed possible to very quickly begin to love a complete stranger. Never having met her before in my life, yet she cared so much about my needs and even at one point advocating for me when I couldn't do it for myself. Yeah, God hand picked this one for me.

(side note: We really named her Harper Grace Bowen, but since my name is still legally Christian, during our stay in the hospital, she was called baby Christian. That's why Sheila wrote it that way on the white board in our room.)

Absolutely exhausted. 100% thrilled.

Lots of nerves and a trip to the hospital

After my OB appt on Monday, doc put me on bed rest in an effort to lower my blood pressure. I had my follow up visit yesterday and it did not go quite as I'd expected. My bp was still high (147/94) and he decided to admit me to the hospital for additional testing and monitoring. It was as if he'd said "Do not pass go; do not collect $200. Go directly to the hospital." Jason had to work so I was there by myself, and to be perfectly honest, I was terrified. Walking into the l&d area, I thought I was going to cry. It was all I could do to keep it together. The stupid lady from the security desk that insisted I had to be escorted upstairs would not stop talking my ear off and I kinda wanted to slap her. At this point I still didn't know if I was going to be admitted or just there for an hour or two for monitoring so when they showed me to my room, I knew this could be a big deal. I had chatty Cathy as my nurse (ugh...I'm not much of a people person but especially not when I'm alone and scared) and she wouldn't catch a clue that I wasn't amused by her jokes. I'm sure she was just trying to ease my nerves a bit, but it wasn't working. I'd called Jason to meet me there but I knew it would be quite a drive for him to get there and it would take awhile. When things like "if we have to do a c section" come up more than once in the conversation and you begin to realize she doesn't mean in a couple of days, but maybe in a hour or two, you really start wishing your husband was there....like NOW.
After about 4 hours of monitoring and my bp stabilizing, the nurse came back in to see if I'd like to go home. Is that really a question?? Yes, please! She said I could go on one condition- two more days of bed rest...STRICT bed rest this time, then come back and see the dr on Friday. Now being at home is better than being in the hospital any day, but when you aren't even allowed to make your own lunch or wash a load of towels bc you suddenly realized you are out of clean ones, it kind of sucks a little. It's like being on a staycation without the fun of getting to do anything or get anything accomplished. The first day was nice...sleeping in, being lazy, getting caught up on my DVR shows...but now on day 3, I'm not enjoying it so much anymore. I feel so bad for those who have to do this for months on end. It would drive me nuts.
Now, I know that's a lot of complaining when in reality, I am very thankful that this is how it ended yesterday. I could've been wheeled away for emergency surgery without anyone there with me (mind you, my sister and mom were both chomping at the bit to come to the hospital, but A) I didn't know how urgent/serious this was and B) all I really wanted was to have my husband there in that moment.) So here I sit hoping this little girl will decide on her own to go ahead and make her appearance very soon. I'm already nervous about my appointment for tomorrow and how that will end. (And as a side note, J has already been instructed that it would probably be a good idea to go ahead and just plan on meeting my at my dr appt in case we have round 2 at the hospital. I don't want to be waiting for 2 hours for him to get there once again.) Pray for good results, yall!

Let's see if this sticks this time.

I haven't done this in a while but I figured with the changes happening these days, I might start trying to keep up on this blogging business once again. I am on day one of doctor ordered bedrest and am 38 1/2 weeks pregnant with Miss Harper. And let me tell you, I don't know how much longer this is going to last! I actually got some good rest last night but woke up to dull back pains and cramping. Start of labor, perhaps?? We shall see soon enough I guess.

Here is the most recent belly pic from this weekend:

And this is the precious little girl we can't wait to meet:

I have to say, yall, I am freaked out! I am SO ready to not be preggo (hell, I can't remember what it's like to not be pregnant!) but I am so nervous about labor and all that follows labor. I've got some serious anxiety these past couple of days. I can only imagine that's why my bp was so high at the dr's office yesterday. Now the logical side of me says "people have done this forever, and you'll be just fine." While the irrational side of me thinks "holy crap, that baby has to come out somehow! Do you really know what that means?!"

Here are some stats (this is your tmi warning....)

• as of yesterday I am 1cm dilated (finally progress!)
• I lost my mucus plug last night
• I've had contractions and cramping off and on for the past 2 days and I feel generally lousy today :(
• weight gain thus far: 26 lbs.

Let's see if I can keep up with blogging this time! If for no other reason, I'd like to use this as a way to remember the little details leading up to meeting my daughter. :)

Random thoughts of a crazy person

I think it's time to go back to work. I never thought I'd utter those words. Granted, I love being at home and having the days to pretty much do whatever I want, but after awhile, it's kinda boring. I am starting to have the feeling of having no purpose lately. I think if I had kids, I might feel differently. Then again, that would be a job in itself. We are doing ok financially, but I do miss the days of knowing that every other Friday I would be receiving a paycheck in the exact amount I received 2 weeks ago. The sense of stability and security should not be overlooked (even though nothing is ever guaranteed...remember all those laid off over the past couple years?) The life of having your own business is an uncertain one. Checks & jobs have been coming steadily for Jason, but I think I got a reality check when we recently found out that a HUGE job he had been working on was put on hold. (read-->no more income from that one for awhile) That's a scary thought. Yeah, things are fine right now, but what happens if the others get put on hold for some unexpected reason. We never dreamed this would happen to this one in particular...it was a museum that is half way done being built.
My problem with jobs that aren't working from home is my ultimate HATRED for having to be somewhere. I guess that must be a commitment issue or something...I don't know. Maybe that's one to put on the books for the therapist. lol. It's the same reason I'm probably not a very good friend, too. If someone invites me to go out with them or tells me about some get together they're having in a couple weeks, I immediately have a sense of dread. I can say that I'll be there, but that may not be the truth. I alway end up having a great time, but I don't like to have the sense that "well, I said I'd go, so now I HAVE to..." I'd rather find out about a dinner with friends the day-of. I know that's counter intuitive to most people's sensibilities, but then I don't have the lingering cloud over me that I have to show up. I wonder if I just get the lack of desire to plan from my dad. He's the very same way. I wish I could change this, but whether I'd like to admit it or not, I've felt this way since I was a teen.
This, of course, sparks my neurotic way of over analyzing just about everything. I recently read in "The Happiness Project" the first instance I've ever heard anyone else feel the same way about another one of my issues. She was talking about having kids and how it's the one thing you can't take back. She was having these anxieties when she was pregnant with her first. She says that everything else in the world can pretty much be undone: you can quit your job, sell your house, even get a divorce if you ever changed your mind....but kids, there's no going back on that one. Now, that's not to say you would ever want any of those changes, but they were always available. I was most certainly glad to hear that once she had her baby, all those feelings and doubt were instantly inconceivable to her. Is this normal? I know I'm crazy to some degree but I can't deny the feeling of relief I felt knowing I wasn't alone in my thinking.
This has all been weighing heavily on my mind lately since the talk of babies in the near future has been on all of our tongues. I have always wanted to have a big family. I think of a house full of kids and noise and family and it makes me smile. So why do I still have this lingering anxiety?

On a completely different (and much lighter note), Jason and I always joke about which celebs we would have at a fantasy dinner party. They always include people or even characters that don't even exist in real life that would make for some really fun conversation. For instance a couple we always agree on are "Patrick Jane" from The Mentalist, "Gregory House" from House..and the like. I have compiled a girls' night list of my own to include both celebs and friends of mine that like to spice things up on a regular basis:
Bethenny Frankel
Kim Zolzciak and NeNe Leakes from Housewives of ATL
Chelsea Handler
Rod Benton
Angela Starr
Alicia Mohat-Sanchez
Mike Vasquez
Rachael Feinstein
Tori Spelling

Now put that group together in a room with plenty of wine and let the laughs begin!