Wow...just writing that title brings tears to my eyes. I'm sure it's still hormones raging but I'm pretty much a sap these days (especially when it comes to her.) I wanted to document the birth of our sweet baby girl so I can remember as much as possible about that special day. I have tried to write this time after time and have had SUCH a hard time putting the words down. There's just so much emotion connected to that day.
Friday, (9/16/11), Daddy and I went to see the doctor since my blood pressure wasn't doing so well this week. We got the car all packed up with the thought that Dr. S might send me straight over to the hospital again but this time we might not come home alone. At the dr's office my bp was still high and we were asked if we'd like to go ahead and meet our little girl this weekend. OF COURSE!!! I had so many emotions running through me...excited, nervous, scared, relieved. We were told to be at the hospital at about 5am the next morning to start my induction.
Here we are in the hospital parking lot that morning! VERY excited!!!!
Trying to make me feel better :)
Once that bag was done it was such a relief. For the rest of my stay in the hospital, I had to continue on that crap, but it was a much slower drip leaving me feeling very hot. I think I just about froze everyone out of my room. I had the ac set as low as it would go and I was still sweating.
Aunt Sheila is all bundled up in her blanket.
Alot of what was to come is kind of fuzzy for me but I will recap as best as I can remember. Around 2pm or so the contractions started picking up and getting pretty painful. They were able to give me Staydol (since I wasn't dilated enough for the epidural yet) and it was wonderful! It gave me some relief and a chance to rest a bit. A few hours later the meds had worn off and I was hurting badly again. That's when I asked for my second dose of staydol. Again, there are lots of blurry blocks of time but I distinctly remember saying after that second dose, it felt like I'd drank a whole bottle of wine. lol Whatev...it helped!!
But not for long.
I don't know what happened between the hours of 4pm and 7pm. I was in so much pain by that point. During the worst of it I relied upon my ipod to get me through it. I put in my earbuds, turned up the music (a mix of Randy Rogers and Stoney Larue during contractions and Jack Johnson later to relax...if that's even possible...and get the baby to move down further in the birth canal), closed my eyes and tuned everything else out. I was just now looking back through some text messages I'd sent Barb about my progress and I have ZERO recollection of sending her those messages at that point. I know at some point around this time the dr checked me and decided to break my water and start the pitocin to get things moving along better since I was not progressing very well. At 7:30pm, I remember there was a shift change for the nurses and telling my nurse that I didn't want her to go. When the new nurse walked in to greet me, my contractions had taken on a life of their own and I could NOT function. Who knows what I said to her, but I was not interested in making her aquaintance at that point (I think I even rolled my eyes when she introduced herself!....let's be honest, I think my head was spinning around ala Exorcist at that point.) I recall hearing Sheila tell her that I was ready and wanted that epidural NOW. Next thing I know some young guy and this new nurse walk in and have everyone else leave the room. I was getting the epidural. Thank God!!! I didn't care who the hell this guy was...for all I knew he just graduated yesterday, but if he was going to hook me up, I was going to make him my new BFF.
Once the meds were going I began to feel like a human again within minutes. I took a big breath and sigh of relief, looked at my nurse who had been holding me steady during the epidural insertion and said with a smile, "OK. Let's try this again. I'm CJ." To which she laughed and replied "Hi CJ. I'm Kristen." "It's nice to meet you." It sounds corny now, but was pretty damn funny at the time. I don't know exacty what I'd said to her when we first met, but I know I wasn't nice at all!
Throughout the remainer of the night, my epidural would prove to be a flop. It would work for a short time and then fade. It would start as a "hot spot" in my right pelvic region and then the pain would spread until I was able to feel everything again. They had me in some crazy positions and flipping me every 30 minutes to try to get the baby to move down and keep from having the epidural localize and only numbing one side. I was given a total of 3 doses. The final dose was given around 8-9cm and I was feeling the horrible pressure in my butt. Seriously felt like I was going to explode. It hurt so much. The doc came back to give the 3rd dose and said "this is it. I can't give you anymore after this. It may or may not even work at this point." I said I didn't care and it was worth a shot. I just couldn't take it anymore. Well, it did buy me some time...which was good because this baby was still really high and wasn't in any hurry to make her way down. I was put in yet one more weird position to try to help her along and then was told to start pushing anytime I felt a contraction. Unfortunately, I was now having complete sensation everywhere but my legs. I wanted to get this over with but I was so terrified to push. It. hurt. so. bad. Again, things are a little sketchy in my memory so this is how it seemed to me: closed my eyes on a dark room with Kristen telling me how to push; opened my eyes and saw the dr at my bed getting his area ready...closed eyes and kept pushing; opened my eyes to a super bright room with tons of people everywhere...closed eyes and kept pushing; started crying because I was so tired and out of energy and scared and in pain only to hear Kristen say "CJ, look at me. Stop crying...this is not the time for that. You can do this. Now focus and push!"
It was exactly what I needed to keep me going and redirect me. I remember hearing the exitement in the voices around me: Jason, my mom and Sheila. With each push I could hear that I must be getting close just by the sound of them all. I then recall pushing and hearing them yell that her head was out and the dr told me to stop for a minute. With the next push my entire world changed.
At 5:05am on September 18th, I met my sweet Harper Grace Bowen. I have never felt relief like that in my life. I immediately thought "Oh, thank God! That's over!!!" then I looked down and saw her pretty face for the first time. My first words when seeing her were "she's so cute!" She didn't have that weird just-born look...she was just adorable. She even smiled as I said that and then they took her to the side to clean her up and do what they needed to do. Daddy was able to cut the cord and a few minutes later I looked up at Jason and saw him so emotional and crying. He was so proud.
I don't know that I've ever seen him so happy. Surprisingly, I didn't start crying until Sheila came over to me and that's when I lost it. A few minutes went by and I hadn't heard anything else about Harper so I asked if everything was ok. Sheila looked over at me with tears in her eyes and said "CJ, she's perfect. She's just perfect." They then filled me in on her stats: 6lbs 14oz, 20.5" long. She was long and skinny.
Once the dr had stitched me up (yep, a 2nd degree tear...bummer) and the room had cleared I asked for something to eat and drink...NOW. It had been more than 30 hours since I'd had anything more than ice chips. Kristen asked if I'd like a coke and I swear that was THE BEST coke I'd ever had in my life. My mouth salivates just thinking about it! Jason asked if I'd like him to go get me whatever I wanted and I just couldn't wait that long. He instead brought me a turkey sandwich from the hospital's nourishment room and I tore that thing up! I didn't care at that point what it was...I was just so hungry. (As a side note, at one point earlier in the night everyone in the room had fallen asleep and when no one was looking, I stole a couple pieces of ice from Jason's cup of soda. They were so yummy and coated with sweetness...ahhh...heaven.)
As it turns out, my nurse Kristen will forever have a special place in my heart. I can honestly say that I don't know how I would've gotten through this whole thing without her. Having a baby has taught me that it is indeed possible to very quickly begin to love a complete stranger. Never having met her before in my life, yet she cared so much about my needs and even at one point advocating for me when I couldn't do it for myself. Yeah, God hand picked this one for me.
Absolutely exhausted. 100% thrilled.
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